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Sunday, 18 October 2009

  • Update on no life.

              I can't believe it's been almost a month since my last post.  It feels like I just made one -_-'  I guess time flies when you're in pharm school.  Last month, I wrote "update on life"...basically summarizing the first 5 weeks of pharm school.  So following that, here's "update on no life" which pretty much covers the subsequent 5 weeks...ish.  School is taking over my life..seriously > <  maybe this entry will serve as a warning/pre-caution to those who eventually want to enter pharmacy or medical school...lol.

              Pretty much, if I'm not thinking about pharm school or some pharm-school-related thing at any given time throughout the day, it's there, somewhere in the back of my mind.  Every night before I go to bed, I try to shut out all thoughts so that I can be at peace and actually sleep well, but I usually end up not falling asleep for an hour or two, even if I've already accumulated hours of sleep debt from the night/s before.

              The last two weeks were possibly the craziest ever...In undergrad, I often joked about failing my exams, but last Friday, I came close to having my first experience of truly failing an exam (healthcare delivery systems).  Needless to say, I feared for my life :P  I stayed up almost the entire night desperately trying to understand things like:

    managed care organizations (MCOs), preferred provider organizations (PPOs),
    health maintenance organizations (MCOs), Medicare Part D, Medicare Advantage,
    Medicaid, diagnostic-related groups, prescription drug plans, capitation,
    high-deductible plans, medical savings accounts, drug-utilization reviews, risk pools,
    yaddayadda, and blahblahblahblah...*trails off*...     

    My head was spinning throughout the day, trying to remember all the things I read...The exam was all essay-type questions, so it wasn't just a matter of knowing the answer when I saw it...I actually had to be able to explain and support with evidence, which didn't help my confidence at all.  At the time of the exam, somehow I pulled through and knew the answers to a decent number of the questions and made some educated guesses for the ones I wasn't sure of. I had heard that last year's average was 10/40 so I felt relieved enough that I could answer so many questions.  I also had my pharmaceutics exam on Monday...I think I did well, but I can't be too sure.  It was the least of my worries since I'm pretty confident with o-chem, but it still sucked away my weekend...and having two midterms in a week was extremely unpleasant.

              I can't say it hasn't been fun though.  I had an osteoporosis screening training session followed by pledge activities the night of the healthcare exam, and I didn't think I'd survive the night since I was going on almost no sleep, but Friday night turned out to be the most fun I've had in a while, though I'm not at liberty to disclose anything about AIP-related activities (very hush-hush, top-secret) :P  When I got home, I pretty much brushed my teeth and collapsed into my ever-so-comfortable bed without even showering...lol.  Honestly, it's been really hectic ...it's as if I got sucked up in a tornado, and all the while, I'm clinging desperately onto something, any semblance of a normal lifestyle...like eating normally, sleeping normally, doing normal things like chores (which I have not been doing a good job at recently...lol).  And there's really no end to the craziness in sight...I can't remember when I last touched my cello, when I last read for fun, last went to Yogurtland or had ramen at Daikokuya.  The last time I ran was 3 or more weeks ago...I know I'm slowly losing my conditioning and I've already failed my goal at getting my mile time under 5:30.  I used to think a normal life was overrated...but now I'm not so sure

              I'm a pretty independent person, and in undergrad, I almost never relied on anyone or asked anyone for anything because I didn't want to be a hassle and for the most part, I felt that I could handle everything on my own anyways.  In fact, I was used to being the one asked for help...but now, more and more, I realize that I am not going to make it on my own anymore and that I need to learn to depend on my classmates, and more so, my pledge mates, pledge family, and other actives, because we are all in this together and none of us can get through this alone.  Recent times are proof of that, so thank you to all of you for the past two weeks...

    ...and ready or not, here come the next two! >_<


Saturday, 26 September 2009

  • Externship...goodbye :(


               Today marked my last day of rotation 1 externships.  A lot of my classmates celebrated, but for me it was a rather sad day

               Last post, I mentioned the externship being a part my pharmacy experiences course, but never really explained what it was. It's basically an internship that's unpaid because you're receiving school credit for it.  The great thing about being an intern pharmacist is that you can legally do absolutely anything a licensed pharmacist can do as long as you're under a pharmacist's supervision.  That means filling, prescribing, counseling, screening, vaccinating, etc.

               Externships are rotation based...there are three rotations each for hospital setting and community setting.  I got assigned the first rotation for community, which is great because I'll finish before we start getting flooded with midterms.  Actually, midterm mania started two weeks ago, but it hasn't *really* gotten insane yet.  Midterm mania refers to the fact that we get at least one midterm every week from start to end...the end being something like the middle of November.  On a side note, I survived my biochem midterm last week (obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be writing here, right?) *cheer*



               Anyways...I go to my externship site, the USC University Park Campus pharmacy, on Wednesdays and Thursdays (which became my favorite days of the week) from 1 PM to 6 PM.  My preceptor, Kari...Dr. Trotter, was pretty cool.  She's very energetic, jokes around a lot, talks fast, and is very knowledgable.  I'm impressed, but not surprised that she became a manager at such a young age.  The great thing about her is that she tries to give me something new to learn everyday and she often quizzes me on drugs.  She sometimes has to leave early though (for hospital-related reasons), so when she's gone or busy, Katty,one of the other clinical pharmacists also recently graduated from SC, gets to be in charge of me.  In fact, I think Katty was in charge of me for the majority of the time during the first two weeks.

               Something interesting about Katty is that her name is pronounced "Katie" and not "Catty," which I thought was really misleading, spelling-wise. Anyways, the great thing about Katty is that she always gives me assignments which not only keeps me busy, but teaches me something practical.  She will also make me "counsel" her to test how well I know the information.  Knowing it is only half the story though; it's not as easy to communicate it effectively in a way that the patient can understand easily, as I know from personal experience.  Having been thorougly educated and brought up in a science background, it takes some effort not to blurt out a bunch of scientific jargon that the patient won't likely understand.

               The third pharmacist, Hannah, just graduated last semester.  At first I thought she didn't like me or something because she would only talk to me to let me know if I made a mistake or to answer a question.  And she usually answers my questions with very few words, which kinna made me feel like I was asking stupid questions (okay, I would agree that some of them were stupid).  It turns out that she's really friendly, but just soft-spoken.  We actually got to have a few *real* conversations after I got to know her a little better, and she's usually the one I ask for help if the other pharmacists or the 3rd/4th year interns are busy.

               I also got to meet the techs, Eric, Rochelle, and Rose, the 4th year intern, Shinobu, and the 3rd year interns Elina and Chantelle, who were all very helpful.  Shinobu was like a big sister to me for the past few weeks...she gave me some packs of Hi-Chew on her last day as an intern, which I thought was really touching 'cause I had really only known her for those few weeks lol.



               My day-to-day activities at the pharmacy included reshelving, filling, taking new Rxs from doctor messages, administering flu shots, and following the pharmacist or 3rd/4th interns around if they had something new to teach me.  I even did a few Rx transfers, even though I'm still a long ways from mastering those.  On the first day, being the new intern, I felt a bit out of place and remember constantly thinking "what the heck is going on?" But I quickly learned the ropes and started to feel comfnortable doing a lot of things.  I learned a ton of stuff, especially from Elina on the one day when she bombarded me with a load of information about OTCs (over-the-counter drugs) over the course of half an hour.  I think she would probably be thrilled if I remembered 70% of what she said (I really tried...!)

               So yeah...today was it. Katty gave me my own flu shot before I had to go, free of charge ♥ even though I'm supposed to pay $25...awesome  ....I gave Kari my evaluation forms, time log, and stuff like that, we talked a little about the rotation 2 intern who'll be taking my place next week, and then it was basically thank you, thank you, thank you, so long, farewell, adieu :(

               At least now I'll have a bit more free time on my hands to study and I can laugh at the rotation 2 people :P
    Nah j/k of course.  Next semester I'll have my hospital rotation...I can only hope it will be as great an experience as I had this semester at the campus pharmacy.

    In other news:  I'm pledging AIP, one of the three professional fraternities at pharmacy school :O

    I think it'll be really cool.  We'll see how that goes.


Thursday, 17 September 2009

  • Update on life.

         Believe it or not, I'm still alive.  I've just been on a really long hiatus.  Since last school year ended, really.
    A lot of things have happened since then, so I suppose I'll be posting retroactive updates on those some other time...when I have time.  Not like anyone cares of course, but for the sake of completeness...
    This post will be purely about the one biggest change in my life since my last update: pharmacy school.

              So it's been almost 5 weeks since I've started classes at pharmacy school. I'm officially a Pharm.D. candidate now, a title which of course comes with the white coat of pharmacists.  Five weeks ago, all of the students got coated at the white coat ceremony.  A white coat is really just that...wearing a white coat doesn't make you special.  In fact, anyone can buy a white coat, appear on TV, introducing him/herself as Dr. Soandso, and advertise some breakthrough medical product that will make you lose up to 100 lbs. of weight in a matter of weeks (which I hope no one would actually spend their hard-earned money on).  The coat provides the wearer some degree of protection from chemicals and fire hazards in a lab setting, but I highly doubt that's the reason health professions students receive these coats. 

                   To us, it is a symbol that we are entering a serious profession where the health and safety of patients are in our hands.  To wear it is to acknowledge the trust that patients have in us and to strive to do one's best to deserve that trust, to never betray it.  Perhaps one reason for coating us was to make us feel good about ourselves, to encourage us, and to keep our eyes on the goal of becoming pharmacists. 

                        But when the coat was placed on me, it felt like a cloak of immense burden, the weight of responsibility, on my back.  What was outwardly a joyous occasion celebrating our entrance into pharmacy school clashed with the somber feelings I held within my heart.  It's true that this is what I wanted to do, and I know I will enjoy these next four years, but I feel that I can no longer be the same person I was in high school, or even college, the one who did no more than what was required or asked, the one who relied on intellect and wits to get by, rather than to really endure the hardship of expending unadulterated, pure effort....because this is no longer about myself, as it was years ago when I rebelled against my parents who wanted me to become a M.D.  This is about the health of the people who will be my patients, about living up to the promises I made when I wrote all those scholarship essays about my obligations to my community, about doing my part and making a contribution to society; am I merely going to get my degree, become a working pharmacist, fill prescriptions for a living, and let that be end of story? I would hope the answer is no. 

                                 Perhaps the heaviness I felt in my heart was really, in fact, the uncertainty in my ability to surpass or even meet the expectations I have somehow unwillingly, and perhaps unwittingly, set for myself.  I can only hope that these next four years will somehow wipe away that uncertainty...

     
    _____________________________________________________________

                    However, on to school itself....  needless to say, it's been really busy.  The first few weeks of class were really exciting... a lot like that feeling you get when you're a wide-eyed freshman who just stepped onto college campus and everything is new to you. 

         Everything in pharmacy school was new to me...starting at 8:00 in the morning, at least 4 hours of class everyday; I have to get up before the crack of dawn if I am to catch the school shuttle on time to get to class on the health sciences campus.  If we were lucky, there were no extra classes and we could go home, to the cafe for lunch, or to the medical library when classes ended at noon.  I don't think I've had classes for that long continuously since high school days.  On days with extra classes (which happens just about half of the time), I'd expect to stay until 4 or 5.  It's really exhausting, but somehow, I find it really fun.  Maybe the knowledge that my classmates around me are equally tired helps to get me through the day.  Misery does enjoy company after all.  Kidding of course.  It's not that I enjoy seeing them suffer...it's just knowing that I have no right to complain because everyone is going through the same thing.

                   Between classes, we get a 10-minute break or so, which is really nice because I would not want to sit for 4 hours straight.  Sometimes, I take a walk or go to the cafe in the adjacent building to grab a coffee or snacks.  It's always amusing when I see a classmate heading back to class with coffee in hand and we exchange laughs and/or complaints about how little sleep we got or how much readings we have to do.  It's even funnier if one or both of us have panda eyes...I'm sure that even without words, we know how the other person is feeling.

    -------------------------------------

         The lectures are manageable for the most part.  I would have to say some professors need to work on their delivery skill or just put a little more energy into speaking though.  The classes we have as first-year students are:

    ~Pharmaceutics
    (it's really organic chem in disguise...except directly applicable to drugs)
    ~Biological systems
    (it's really anatomy/physiology/histology)
    ~Biochemical & Molecular Sites of Drug Actions
    (biochem is biochem is biochem, no matter what other fancy words you put behind it)
    ~Pharmacy Practice Skills
    (everything from immunology and how to give shots to how to do consultations with patients and decipher prescriptions)
    ~Pharmacy Practice & Experience
    (this includes a leadership class and an externship at either a hospital site or community pharmacy)
    ~Healthcare Delivery
    (Money makes the world go 'round, and unfortunately, it makes healthcare go 'round too)

                   I think my favorite class is pharmaceutics so far...it's very conceptual, and once you grasp the main concepts, you can apply it to solve all the problems.  Organic chem was one of my strengths, so I had no worries there.  The thought that I'll be able to contribute something to my case study group is comforting.
         Biosystems is extremely tedious for me...there is just such an immense amount information to know and memorization is not one of my strengths, so I know I will have to work extra hard.
                   Biochem, like biosystems, is a lot of memorization.  Thankfully, I was a biochem major so I think that has been helping me pick up the information more easily.  The lectures are a bit ridiculous though...the professor blows through material as if he were a madman on amphetamines....not one person I have talked to has said that they could absorb everything he covers in a lecture. It means more self-studying for us.
                   Pharmacy Practice Skills is a pretty informative class with great lecturers.  It's a bit of work, but not difficult at all, and the material is interesting.  Thanks to this class, I'll be certified to give flu shots (or any other type of intramuscular or subcutaneous shots) soon, to the dismay of my friends who might, if they are lucky, receive them from me if they are at the right place at the right time.
                 Pharmacy Practice & Experience...now this is where things get interesting.  The leadership course is really discussion-intensive, which is kind of nice for a change since we don't really have discussions in normal lectures.  A lot of small-group presentations as well.  The externship part of the course is completely another topic on its own....maybe I'll write about it some other day.
              Healthcare Delivery is one of my least favorite classes...We learn about health insurance, HMOs, Medicare, Medigap, the flow of money through healthcare systems, and basically why healthcare costs are so difficult to control.  It can sometimes be interesting, there's     too much politics and money involved, which always makes for a depressing, but nevertheless necessary topic.
            
             
    -------------------------------------

         Life is so fast-paced nowadays, it's difficult to not think about what I need to do next.  Every hour I spend relaxing or sleeping is an hour not spent towards academics, which of course was always true, but now I am more aware of that than ever before.  It makes me really appreciate the days when relaxing was relaxing and my time was really my time to do whatever I wished.  Unfortunately, I took that for granted, and those are days that I'll never get back. 

              I'd have to say that I'm honestly enjoying pharmacy school, though being shunted into this completely new lifestyle -yes, pharm school has become a lifestyle- has me looking back at the youth which I feel was silently and regretably lost over the last eight years or so... Realistically, there is nothing left to do but to submerge myself in this new life, though I can't say with much conviction that I've succeeded in doing so as of yet.  All of the second years I've met have reassured me that having a hard time adjusting is one of the things that makes being a first year so difficult and that it is merely a passing phase.  I hope I can adjust soon, for the sake of being able to concentrate on what's important and what's in front of me. 

    Until next time...
    ...unless there is no next time in the case that the ♥ biochemistry exam ♥
     this Wednesday happens to be the end of me.


Wednesday, 22 April 2009

  • Drawings

    So, at the request of entendezmavoix, I've uploaded some of my drawings...some of them were from the drawing class I took this semester (which I unfortunately had to drop, due to the workload of my other classes), and others were just done on my own time as exercises and for enjoyment.

    Due to the lack of a scanner...I had to resort to the crude method of photographing and cropping the drawings in order to upload them, so yes, they are low-quality :(
    Graphite pencil marks don't really show up well on junk digital cameras like mine, so I used Photoshop to darken them a bit.
    Here goes.

    ____________________________________________________________
    A rather typical fruit-drawing assignment...an outline of a banana, a poorly done silhouette of a pear, and a completely shaded bell pepper...it took about 2 hours total, mostly due to the bell pepper.  I'm rather proud that I was able to get the bruises on the bell pepper to look convincing.  I chose to use the banana and the pear for the easy drawings so that I could be done with them sooner and eat them.
    Fruits
    ____________________________________________________________


    An incomplete still-life assignment.  I chose to draw my cello using perspective, though towards the end, I realized that it started to look odd.  I'm not really that great at perspective, especially with irregularly-shaped objects.  Frustrated, I left it incomplete...I still can't tell exactly what's wrong with it   When I figure it out, I might try to finish it.
    It took about 3 hours...
      Cello - Incomplete
    ____________________________________________________________


    My first attempt at lineless drawing.  The subject: a blatantly historically/architecturally inaccurate Taj Mahal...Lineless drawing is a technique that's used to define an object by shading and contrast, rather than the use of an outline. Learning to draw linelessly is a taking huge step away from being an amateur...and obviously, I failed badly in this drawing (spot the lines ).  Luckily, I later made up for this failure by succeeding in my bell pepper drawing.
    Drawing time was about 2 hours...mostly due to filling in half the page with black.  Needless to say, my hand was in pain.
    Taj Mahal
    ____________________________________________________________


    A hair-drawing and erasing exercise...I chose a photograph of J-pop singer, Aya Ueto, for my reference.  I actually had never heard of her before this, and I don't really listen to J-pop much either (not that I dislike it or anything).  This was one of the hardest drawings ever for me because it was so difficult to get facial features and proportions correct, and making the strands of hair look realistic was ever so tedious.  The highlights in her hair were "drawn" using a normal plastic eraser.  I used a knife to cut thin slices of the eraser so that they could make fine lines.
    Total time was around 6 hours...I could have run a marathon in that time!


    ...and here's the reference photograph for comparison as well.
    Aya Ueto - Breath
    They don't really look alike, huh?  I messed up on some proportions.
    Ah well...I've always been intrigued at how the human brain is able to process so many minute features in the face and be able to discern one face from another, despite striking similarity.  Facial recognition is such a complex, yet precise process.  Unfortunately, all this processing is done on a sub-conscious level and it's kind of hard to single out all the factors, otherwise I'd know exactly what I did wrong.
    ____________________________________________________________

    I haven't been motivated to draw recently, nor do I have to time to anyways, namely due to the ridiculous amount of work I have for one of my classes *cough*medicinalmolecularbiology*cough*...I had been planning to do a muscle-drawing exercise for a while, though I don't know when I'll actually be able to get around to doing it.  I do know exactly who I want to use for my reference though...none other than Bruce Lee.  Unfortunately, I've been unable to find any decent-resolutioned pictures thus far.

    Anyways, no time to think about that now...got to get to bed.  I am really, really tired...

    (edit: I lied...instead of going to bed, I re-hosted the images on photobucket...images hosted there are at much higher resolutions.  I highly recommend it)


Thursday, 09 April 2009

  • Welcome to USC School of Pharmacy...and coming back just to realize that I'm screwed

     
    I just got back from the welcome reception for first year students at the USC School of Pharmacy.  I'm recovering from a cold I just got a few days ago, and I'm loaded to the extreme with work, so I was debating earlier whether or not I should go or not...I don't regret going.  I talked to so many people tonight, resulting in a throbbing pain that made even swallowing difficult, due to my already sore throat.

    But after coming out tonight, my excitement for going into pharmacy was renewed, more than ever before.  The students and professors talked about so many aspects of pharmacy and pharmacy school, I admit I felt a bit overwhelmed... in a good way, if that makes any sense at all.  The people seem amazing, the school seems amazing, the experience seems amazing.  I can't wait to start this coming fall. 

    Now the only thing between me and pharmacy school is this term paper for Applications of Molecular Biology to Medicine due on Monday, which I am completely and utterly screwed for.  In fact, I really should not even be posting at all.  I suppose I just can't contain my excitement much.  Perhaps it wasn't wise to load up on so many science classes this semester..."It's my last semester...I can take a beating," I thought.  Now that I think about it, I didn't actually expect to receive any beating, and now I'm going to suffer the consequences for being rash and over-confident.  However, the fact that I have never ever been so screwed in my life before as I am now hasn't really sunk in.  Okay, so I don't need this class, but I can't drop it (or any other class) for other reasons, and I'll kill myself before I get a C... (B is cutting it, but right now, I'd be content)  If I die, I can't go to pharmacy school...

    Someone slap some sense into me!

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